Dump: Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

希望知道清晰的boundary的定义和criteria

虽然有好多的review, 但是感觉不适合我. 我overcommit自己的事情而非他人的事情

review里很少提到如何说no, 大多数的内容在说为什么要boundary, 而不是如何设置boundary,如何说no

没有practical steps


Title: Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No
Authors: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
Edition: 1
Finished Date: 2017-05-12
Rating: 1
Language: English
Genres: Self-Help
Level: Entry
Publishers: Zondervan
Publication Date: 2017-10-03
ISBN: 978-0310350231
Format: Pdf
Pages: 352
Download: Pdf
  • This is a great book for folks who find themselves committed to things they don’t really want to do or resenting people who treat them a certain way or people with relationship problems where they feel all possible solutions are bad.

  • The authors give solid Biblical backing for why boundaries are important, how they are formed, and how to set them in your own life.

  • I especially appreciated that they tackled several key myths about boundaries (i.e. “Won’t I hurt others if I set boundaries?” “Aren’t Christians supposed to be generous and self-sacrificing?” “Isn’t it selfish to think about yourself?”)
  • half the book was about understanding the different ways you are not setting boundaries
  • there are chapters for each type of relation that you may be having issues setting boundaries: with parents, children, spouses, at work, with yourself, and with God. But they were all the same: started off with a story about Nancy and Nick, or Billy and Susan, Janice, Shareen, etc. Then a listing of how boundaries could be a problem in this relationship (didn’t we just spend the first 50% of the book going over this?) and finally some ways to address these boundary issues like “you need to know your worth,” or “find a support group.” In fact, the one thing I did get out of this book is that for me to set boundaries, I need a support group, I can’t do it myself.

the book could be summed up in a few sentences:

  1. if you want to have a demanding career, don’t choose to have children.

  2. if you want to be happy in marriage, choose a spouse who is supportive.

  3. if you don’t want to be volunteered for your church’s building program by fund raising with a cookie drive, don’t be ‘that person’ who always says ‘yes’.

  4. grow a spine.

  5. grow some peaches.

  6. grow some walnuts.

the problem i have with this book is that it is the complete opposite of QBQ … it teaches people how to avoid personal responsibility instead of accepting it.